Twelve Days of Squash Christmas
(Sung to the tune of “Twelve Days of Christmas”)
By The Squash Poet from the SquashSite Forums
On the first day of Christmas,
My true love thought it was funny,
To get me the “Squash Guide for Dummies”.
On the second day of Christmas,
My team captain warned to me,
Two more losses,
And we’ll drop you like a piece of smelly cheese.
On the third day of Christmas,
My practice partner handed me,
Three crushing games,
Two which were bagels,
And one point in the third for sympathy.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
My squash coach pointed out to me,
Four essential errors,
Three basics lacking,
Two major problems,
Both backhand and the forehand worked dreadfully.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
I practiced relentlessly,
Five hours straight!
Four thousand drives,
Three hundred drops,
Two hundred boasts,
And every shot landed directly on the ‘T’.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
My doctor prescribed to me,
Six different painkillers,
Five hours massage!
Four chiropractors,
Three therapists,
Two dieticians,
And advice to practice a sport more stress free.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
I ignored my doctor totally,
Seven more matches,
Six new injuries,
Five broken racquets!
Four quick zippings,
Three lost balls,
Two split shorts,
And a zap from the defibrillator for recovery.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
I figured a new racquet would help me,
Eight were too heavy,
Seven were too whippy,
Six were too ugly,
Five had no strings!
Four were to red,
Three were too short,
Two were just right,
It took no time to see it was a waste of money.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
My next match had statistically:
Nine complete whiffings,
Eight cleared the back wall,
Seven double bounces,
Six clobbered the tin,
Five double hits!
Four dead strokes,
Three out of court,
Two miss-hits,
Before the warm-up had finished completely.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
My squash coach punished me:
Ten sets of ghosting,
Nine sets of push-ups,
Eight sets of court sprints,
Seven hundred crunches,
Six laps of sprinting,
Five suicide runs!
Four stair sprints,
Three hill runs,
Two barf bags,
That when I finished I filled up easily.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
I watched a Power DVD,
Eleven “You-Tube” clippings,
Ten Nicol matches,
Nine Jahangir movies,
Eight John White rallies,
Seven Ramy highlights,
Six billion Geoff Hunt straight drives,
Five “Rocky” films!
Four coaching discs,
Three training tapes,
Two dirty flicks,
Just to break up the monotony.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
I guess Christmas miracles are a reality,
Twelve perfect forehands,
Eleven deceptive drop shots,
Ten dying cross courts,
Nine stretching volleys,
Eight screaming winners,
Seven dead-nick rollers,
Six serves were aces,
Five match-balls saved!
Four working boasts,
Three wrist flicks,
Two kill shots,
For my first 10-9 in the fifth victory!
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Given the massive amount of snow that has been dumped on us lately, where else would you rather vent than on the squash court!
SHOW YOUR SUPPORT! GO UR SQUASH!
